thehugeone1's Profile » Send Message | » Add to Buddy List | » Add to Block List

To denie your emotions is to denie what makes you a person, your thoughts. With out
emotions we do not think, if we do not think, we are no longer. Let your emotions be known
threw actions. Do it now!

Drugs are bad, m'kay!

"i'm not sure what i'm addicted to, but i am ... but i'm in denial about being
addicted about what i'm addicted to, so i'll stay addicted to whatever i'm addicted to
till i admit i'm addicted to something... "
- Jason


4/10/06
I felt the need to post this today.
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by drugs, sex, and greed.
They know not what they do, God forgive them, and forgive me for passing judgment on those
who were once my friends or my neighbors. Forgive me for questioning your plan and forgive
my anger.
Forgive my anger of wondering why my friend started drugs, forgive my anger of asking why
he dropped out of school, and forgive my anger for wondering why this genius of a boy
became a hollowed shell of a man. A hollowed shell where there is nothing inside, a
hollowed shell where they are numb to there surroundings, a hollowed shell which appears
to be your friend and is now nothing more, although still alive they are dead. Forgive me
for missing my friend; forgive me for questioning why a boy that once thrived with energy
that one could literally feel now feels nothing. Like a cracked egg leaking nourishing
yolk which was once a soul, he is now empty, a thing that only lives to feed its needs of
food, sex, drugs, and violence. Forgive me, and forgive him, and lord please save him.
Forgive my anger of wondering why my friend started having premarital sex. Forgive my
anger for wondering why she still loves that no good son of a bitch after he’s cheated on
her, lied to her, and has done nothing but hurt her. Forgive my questioning of why she
started drugs, and why she slipped further and further into a drug seen and why I could do
nothing to help her. Forgive me for feeling hate at the world for changing my friend who I
loved into an addict. Forgive me for missing my friend who could pick me up no matter how
down I was with just her smile, who was an eternity of light, happiness and love and is
now nothing more then a porcelain doll, cold to touch and with nothing inside of that
lovely face, and forgive her for she knows not what she does, and help her lord, for she
is truly a good person although the light within her fades dimmer every day.
I tried to help them, I could feel them slipping away from the light, they are dead
although still alive. They are dead, yet they’ll never be gone.
Forgive me for questioning what are the values of my culture? Do we have any!? Forgive me
for loving those that should be forgotten, and hating those that glorify your name.
Forgive me for hoping that the nine eleven attacks were not the defining moments of my
generation but that the ties we form with common people and those that we love are.
Forgive me for thinking that premarital sex is not a sin if you love the person you’re
with and if they love you, but getting married to have sex is. Please God forgive this
anger that comes at me like a stormy squall and I am nothing but a tiny vessel on this
endless sea of sinking values and hopelessness of those around me.
God forgive me for not wanting to define my culture because of my fear, but instead
wanting to define myself and trying to figure out exactly who I am, and the guilt I go
through for wanting to leave those in need behind. God forgive me for feeling fear
everyday as another graduation comes closer for not knowing where I stand in my culture,
and feeling that no one knows my true identity except for you. God forgive us for what we
are, a disappointment in our own eyes, where often the only one which has faith in us is
you, and many of us no longer believe you are out there.
Lord, forgive me for my greed, for my greed of wanting more then I have now, for wanting
more for those that have little to nothing for wanting not tangible materials of this
world but wanting more happiness and more ecstasy and overall enjoyment of everyday life.
Forgive me of wanting to give up some days and wanting to become that endless stream of
fallen ones who I pity and loath and often envy.
And Lord, thank you for holding me up, and forgiving me of what makes me human, and
blessing me with happiness no matter how brief or minimal. I love you as much as I love my
fellow man, even more then those who were the best minds of my generation.

To each his own.