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A 1337 Prayer.

Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act
lame on us.
Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to
think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd
appreciate it.
For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.

Three men are standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven. The first man is an alcoholic
who drove his car drunk off an overpass. The second is a womanizer who died of a heart
attack in bed with another man's wife. He went, when he should have come. The third man is
a pot smoker who didn't look both ways before crossing the street.

St. Peter says to the first man; "I see that you were a man of imbibery and
debauchery. We can't let you come to Heaven in the state you're in. We're sending you to
purgatory for 100 years, where you must prove yourself to be truly repentant before you
can come to Heaven." So, the angels take the first man to a room that is an exact
replica of his favourite watering hole. 'GREAT!' thought the alcoholic. "My favourite
bar and there's no last call! EXCELLENT!!!!" And the angel closes the door behind
him.

St. Peter then turns to the second man - the womanizer, and says; "You broke a very
important commandment. Thou shalt not comit adultery. You definitely can't come to Heaven
in the state you're in. We're sending you to purgatory for 100 years, where you must
repent before you can come to Heaven." So, the angel takes the adulterer to another
room in a bordello. The womanizer cannot believe his good fortune as he surveys the women
wall to wall ready to cater to his every desire. Without hesitation, he goes in, and the
angel closes the door behind him.

Finally, St. Peter turns to the pot-smoker and says; "Well, you just weren't being
careful crossing the street. You haven't imbibed or philandered or committed any grievous
sins, but we can't play favouritism here. We have to send you to purgatory as well for 100
years. At the end of which, we will send for you. So an angel takes the pot-head to a room
in a grow op with all the most potent strains of weed freshly harvested. The pot-head
looks in wonder at the sight as the angle pushes him inside and closes the door.


Finally, the 100 years has passed and it's time to check up on the three. The angel opens
the door of room number one. The alcoholic staggers out of the room, which is by now a
filthy mess, piled with a century's supply of empty bottles. The stench is more than even
the strongest stomach can handle. The alcoholic says; "I have learned my lesson. I
will never drink again. No more shakes, sweats, no more puking and no more hangovers for
me. I am repentant!"

So the alcoholic, having repented, earns his wings to go to heaven.

The angel opens the door to room number two. Out comes the womanizer dressed in heels, a
skirt and he is now a she. "I thought I would be in heaven here, but I have come to
learn that men are such pigs, and I am not a pig! I have repented and now I have decided
to become a woman!"

And so the former womanizer turned woman, having repented, earns his/her wings to go to
Heaven.

Then the angel opens the door to the third room, and surprisingly, discovers that not a
single bud has been pinched, let alone smoked. The angel hears someone weeping in the
corner. It is the pot-head. Looking up at the angel, the pot-head stands up and the angel
wipes away his tears. "What is the matter?" asks the angel to the pot-head.

The pot-head pulls out a joint and sniffles; "PLEASE TELL ME YOU BROUGHT A
LIGHTER!!"