san diego california
basics
50% filipino 50% white = 1 weird down to earth drama queen ( not on purpose )
taken by my baby james love u muah!
I want to meet people who can be downwith just being themselves and being happy with that
and being happy..No drama wanted. If you laid back and chill happy with just being at home
talking with friends then I want to be your friend thats me straight up Im just more
comedic
so wanna have fun and just have a good conversation hit me up with some lovin
words to tell me you want to be kaibigans ( friends in tagalog)
cool peeps-
phoebe tran
[red]tommy hilliard
[green]jazzmin smith
chelsea m. ( too long and dont wanna spell wrong)
[green]alexis p
[blue]brittany derr
[blue]thats [red] all the [orange] krewlers
[red]
i got aim = stephaniefrench1
[green]
yahoo = frenchie858 , stephygurl101 , orginal_stephaniefrench
D*~E*~S*~P*~A*~I*~R~~!!!
[red]S= stupid
[blue]T= terrible
[red]E= endlessdespair
[blue]P= pain
[red]H=hungry to die
[blue]A= annoying
[red]N=uNeeded
[blue]I=ignorable
[red]E=eternal pain
[blue]M=major pain in the ass
[red]G=goggly ( worse than ugly)
[blue]F=fat
[red]R=ressitable
[blue]E=endless pain
[red]N=naive
[blue]C=crap
[red]H=horrible
[gray]
why does this despair fill me up like a glass full of water?
the longing and yearning to die
dreaming of razorblades sharp enough to cut me open and
bleed out the blood of a tortured soul.
Making large pools of my blood
which will make stains so deep it will
root into the ground
my mind aches from the longing to die
different ideas of ways to
die run through my mind like a toddler
my gentle heart lays in pieces on the floor
the despair grows into somthing
that makes my world spiral out of control
all that I know becomes strange and unknown
my heart becomes at ease and isolte the pain the cure in
taking this pain is found in this razorblade
i craddle it with my fingers
the thought of curing this pain
causes joyfull tears to fall
saturating my blood with my salty painfull tears
save me from all that entraps me.
the despair I once was able to ignore is no too big for me
to fight
all that makes me happy is stolen from me
all things that you thought
were fact were false
I hid what can destroy me the most
silence of what was to loud resound in my ears making me
remember
remember all that cause me pain
saying im fine and smiling is all fake
all that made me sparkle and twinkle in your eyes are
things that brought the reality back to your life
you worry cause od me
but I put a wall up
and make everything seem alright
the despair is what will kill me and cause you pain
and thats what scares you
and death will become of me
this pain will end I will lay silent in my grave as you cry
over me
is the despair and fear becoming too real for you
Lie to me
tell me my next breath is my last
Tell me my life was never the nightmare it was
Erase the words that hurt me the most.
Erase My mistakes that hurt so many.
Dry the tears that fill my world.
Hold my hand,
rock me back and forth,
sing me a lullaby,
Lie and say everything will be alright.
Tell me he will come back and be mine.
Take my pain and throw it away.
Pump all my ruby red blood out of my heart,
and hold it still from beating.
Kiss my lips
with poison drenched lips and kill me.
Write my story and present as a memorable film,
so you can see the visual moments where I lost my hope in everything.
Everything I believed in I tied to a railroad track believing he would save them.
I didnt care what would happen.
As Long as he was mine.
Now hes not.
I crushed his heart,
as I layed right next to him hearing my heart break for the last time.
I inhaled and cried a tear the size of my world.
And drowned under the pain saturated tear.
Hold me down wake me up when Im in hell burning.
Rinse the dirt from the crumbled world that was once holding me down.
Bathe me in the tears of happy angels.
And rebirth me into a life of innocence.
Lie to Me
tell me
S & E are back again and will never end
Then my smile will be forever on my face
After the Storm
In a moments rage
Words are said and tears are shed
I give in far to easily and far to much
Others come to me for help
Never do I say no
After a storm of rage
A wave of confusion drowns me
She wishes I was dead
She doesn’t say it but in her words she’s telling me it
She screams at me, just as if she was proud of making me
feel worthless
I try to give her everything she has ever asked for
These words do not hurt me
I wanted to die for awhile now
She’s just the first to be able to express how I truly feel
Suicide is my sweet ending
Everything is changing
After the storm
I will die
And all will be well again
I only remember the pain inside when I inhale to breathe
Many nights I toss and turn
Having a nightmare that in the morning I will still be
alive
I awake saying this will be the day
Everything will be over
That maybe god has finally taken mercy on me
But every night I cry
Because that day they made me survive
When I die
The pain will finally stop its torturing misery on my soul
and end its existence
And I will be smiling in my resting place
So no one can use me up and spit me out
This will happen
After the storm
- 
