| Bio: |
guys 17 -21 please
you might be a redneck
. . . the air freshener hanging in your car lost its scent more than 5 years ago.
. . . there are more than 5 animals sleeping in your bed.
. . . your best pick-up line for women is written on your baseball cap.
. . . you had a receding hairline in the 6th grade.
. . . you think “social consciousness” means how well you can hold your liquor.
. . . you spit on your own floor.
. . . your bring a bar of soap to a public pool.
. . . you keep a pellet gun by the front door.
. . . you’ve ever participated in a burp-off.
. . . you’ve ever heckled during a eulogy.
. . . your wife puts Bean-O on everything you eat.
. . . your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.
. . . you taught your children how to play “Pull My Finger.”
. . . you own half a pickup truck.
. . . the church social committee is afraid to meet at your house.
. . . you own a trophy that includes the words “cow chip toss” on it.
. . . you’ve ever made love on a tire swing.
. . . the first question your mother asks upon checking into the motel is, “Where’s the
nearest liquor store?”
. . . you show strangers your war wound.
. . . your mailing address includes the word “holler.”
. . . the Salvation Army comes to your house and takes the wrong furniture.
. . . there are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.
. . . you fill up the bathtub just to test out a fishing lure.
. . . your Thanksgiving centerpiece has ever been prepared by a taxidermist.
. . . you own every Box Car Willie album.
. . . you refer to your dog as your youngest.
. . . you select a date’s corsage to match her tattoo.
. . . you’re over 30 and still giving other people “wedgies.”
. . . you have three first names.
. . . turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
. . . you’ve ever water-skied in your underwear.
. . . you throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.
. . . your garbage man is confused about what stays and what goes.
. . . the hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
. . . you think a dashboard is the best place to keep your hats.
. . . for your first anniversary you take your wife to dinner at the Wal-mart snack bar.
. . . you’ve ever slow danced at a Waffle House.
. . . you videotape fishing shows.
. . . you’ve ever had sex while wearing work gloves.
. . . there is more carpet on your toilet than on your floors.
. . . your wedding toast was made with a quart of Old Milwaukee.
. . . you hang pickled eggs and pop-tops from your Christmas tree.
. . . your chili’s secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
. . . someone asks, “Where’s your bowling bag?” and you answer, “She’s at home with the
kids.”
. . . your masseuse uses lard.
. . . your family’s #1 enemy is revenuers.
. . . your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it.
. . . when describing your kids, you use the phrase “dumb as a brick.”
. . . your favorite cap says, “Babymaker.”
. . . you’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
. . . you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen
to walk by.
. . . you get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.
. . . you are allowed to bring your dog to work.
. . . chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns.
. . . the flood history of your area can be seen on your living room walls.
. . . your wife has been involved in more than six barroom brawls in the last two weeks.
. . . your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.
. . . you fish coins out of public fountains.
. . . your Grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. (from Carl Elston)
. . . your neighbor has a refridgerator on his front porch stocked with beer so he won't
have to get off the sofa to welcome friends. (from ThomasChargers)
. . . you put a 5 dollar bill in a pop machine. (from SEG5270164)
. . . you steal money from the Salvation Army buckets. (from Jethro Bob)
. . . you have ever been evicted from a place you own. (from JNie106388)
. . . you live in El Reno, Oklahoma. (from RGoeri1036)
. . . you stare at a can of orange juice, because it says "concentrate." (from
Elizabeth Morales)
. . . you take your wife to your mistress's wedding. (from Poochy Lady and Buzz^1)
. . . you use channel locks for a nose hair trimmer. (from Scott Gentry)
. . . it took you twenty years to figure out how to add single digit numbers. (from
Renisja)
. . . you spit in the skillet to check the temperature. (from Jrf5664)
. . . your father is in the same grade you are. (from Jrf5664)
. . . the best 5 years of your life were in the second grade. (from Bnsmxpd)
. . . your richest relative invites you over to take the wheels off his new trailer. (from
Bnsmxpd)
. . . you're on your third marriage and still have the same in-laws. (from Loubrain)
. . . your 14 year old daughter smokes at the dinner table - in front of her two kids.
(from Loubrain)
. . . on the 4th of July you spend it at the waffle house beside a drunk while waiting to
get your pastor out of jail (true stroy). (from BugJhnny)
. . . a full tank of gas doubles the value of your truck. (from sobeerman)
. . . you win the lottery and buy a double wide trailor. (from Scottk1000)
. . . your wife is so ugly you take her everywhere you go so you never have to kiss her
good-bye. (from sobeerman)
. . . you have to use a ladder to get in your truck. (from sobeerman)
. . . you ever fly a kite with a fishing pole. (from LOOKWEBRSMT)
. . . you wear flannel shirts no matter what season it is. (from MEllin4266)
. . . you have more than 5 fast food bags in your car. (from MEllin4266)
. . . Rocky Top is your favorite song (for all the Vols fans!). (from MEllin4266)
. . . your divorce granted from first wife and your license to wed to your second wife are
in the same newspaper. (from Karen Ray)
. . . your girlfriend thinks you're a real gentleman because you only scratch your crotch
while playing softball. (from JCol641202)
. . . you stop picking your nose in traffic long enough to wink at the girl next to you.
(from JCol641202)
. . . you found your wife's christmas present along side the road. (from JCol641202)
. . . you think the Roman Empire has somthing to do with a cell phone. (from JCol641202)
. . . your mother kicked you out of the house because you pawned her favorite chainsaw to
buy a deer tag. (from JCol641202)
. . . you have to keep a step ladder handy to open your truck door for your girlfrend.
(from JCol641202)
. . . you ever been rushed to the emergency room because you swallowed your redman. (from
JCol641202)
. . . your daughter gets married before you do. (from MojoDncr)
. . . when finally mowing your lawn, you find an engine block you didn't know was there.
(from MojoDncr)
. . . you have the bail bondsman on speed dial. (from MojoDncr)
. . . you think the "Nutcracker" is something you do on the diving board. (from
MojoDncr)
. . . your excuse for missing your oldest sons grauation is, "Hell woman, you think
the crappie bite like this all year?" (from JCol641202)
. . . you hear somone mention the depression and you think they are talking about when
Bubba's Market ran out of Skoal. (from JCol641202)
. . . you just hate getting strip searched by the guard every time you go visit your
cousin Bubba. (from JCol641202)
. . . you've ever asked an Amish guy on a horse and buggy if he thought he could out run
your John Deer. (from JCol641202)
. . . you've ever asked a priest why he's wearing that sissy turtleneck. (from
JCol641202)
. . . your favorite event at a wedding is the spittin' contest. (from JCol641202)
. . . your momma makes two turkeys for Thanksgiving, one for the family and the other for
the dogs. (from JCol641202)
. . . you have to camofladge your best crops when a helicopter flies over. (from
JCol641202)
. . . your mother always said keep your nose clean and from this day on you pick your
nose. (from Cheesyd13)
. . . you cook perogies in beer. (from Stan Konkel)
. . . you and your best friend paint flames on your car and it looks better. (from Stan
Konkel)
. . . you've ever returned bottles so you could buy beer with the deposit money. (from
Stan Konkel)
. . . your ashtray is too full, so you use the floor. (from Stan Konkel)
. . . you use a gas can to fill up your pick up truck. (from bdk)
. . . you use dental floss to restring your banjo. (from bdk)
. . . you have a trophy from a tractor pull. (from bdk)
. . . your favorite song has the name of a truck company in it. (from bdk)
. . . you have to climb the town's water tower to save your sister's honor. (from Nan)
. . . you and your dad walk to school together because you are in the same grade. (from
Nan)
. . . your dad plays "the pull my finger" joke at family gatherings. (from Nan)
. . . you have more deer heads on your wall than family portraits. (from Russell)
. . . you go to a bar to cheer on your mother in mud wrestling. (from Russell)
. . . your pillow case doubles as your bowling bag. (from Russell)
. . . you keep your fingernails long to open you snuff can. (from Russell)
. . . you think the internet is something you use fishing. (from Russell)
. . . you have more insurance on your hunting dog than you do on your house. (from
Russell)
. . . when someone asks to see your kids you show them the goats. (from Russell)
. . . you have to take out a loan to pay off the tire store. (from Russell)
. . . you ever shot a deer with a tater gun. (from Russell)
. . . you have ever worn camo to a funeral. (from Russell)
. . . your idea of home security is keeping all the guns loaded. (from Russell)
. . . you have ever been too drunk to fish. (from Russell)
. . . you're at a family reunion and you wear a shirt that says,"I'm related to
you!!!" (from SeXXXyByRd)
. . . your belt buckle doubles as an I.D. (from SeXXXyByRd)
. . . you bum a smoke from your third grade kid. (from SeXXXyByRd)
. . . you know which leaf is best to use when you're out of toilet paper. (from
SeXXXyByRd)
. . . when you brought your baby home, it slept in a dresser drawer. (from SeXXXyByRd)
. . . your halloween jack-o-lantern has more teeth than your wife. (from Benji256)
. . . you are the youngest in the family and the first to graduate. (from Shawn Bancuk)
. . . your neighbors refer to you as the pig farmers and you don't have any pigs. (from
Shawn Bancuk)
. . . you play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and get four teeth kicked out. (from DNut5007)
. . . you think think the phrase "chicken out" means one of your pets has
escaped. (from DNut5007)
. . . you refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "dual air bags." (from
DNut5007)
. . . you've had a custody fight over a hunting dog. (from POOHBEARLQ)
. . . you burn your lawn instead of mowing it. (from POOHBEARLQ)
. . . you bring a video camera to a funeral. (from POOHBEARLQ)
. . . you have ever mowed the grass and found a car. (from DreamJLE)
. . . you have more than 3 family members by the name of Billy Bob. (from Rebel6869)
. . . you swallow a minnow just to impress the lady cashier at the local bait shop. (from
cbreeze22)
. . . you flick rubber bands at cock roaches. (from LTre201867)
. . . you wait all night to shoot one mouse with your grandma's BB gun. (from LTre201867)
. . . you take your car to the repair shop to have the donut tires rotated. (from Jennifer
Newman)
. . . you make change in the offering plate. (from DINOHEAD42)
. . . you can recite your vowels in one burp. (from Shannon)
. . . you practice your cow chip throwing techniques while they're still fresh. (from
PUPPYKONIG@)
. . . you take a bag to an All-You-Can-Eat bar. (from Hendu16)
. . . you use your native language, to cuss at your kids, to cover up the fact that you
are a redneck in your native country. (from butterflybady)
. . . your favorite stick is your fishing pole. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your favorite shoes were bought at a yard sale (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your bathroom is your favorite make-out place. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . none of these jokes are making sense to you. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you use your weed whacker as a toothpick. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your wreath is made out of beer cans. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you use duct tape as bikini wax. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you learned the alphabet by eating Cambpell's alapahbet soup. (from
BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your engine is duct-taped to your car. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your outhouse is in your front yard. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you wear your Mom's dress that she wore at her funeral. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you clean your toilet with the tooth brush that you use every day. (from
BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you have sheep in your backyard because they never, ever tell. (from
BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your favorite song is --------Old McDonald!!!!! (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your toilet seat says "Sit Here". (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . when you were younger you sold fresh, cold pee as ice-cold lemonade. (from
BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . PMS stands for "Parent Medical System." (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you bathe your cat in the toilet. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you use your shower curtain as your Prom dress. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you use your shoe as a tobacco can. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you use your water gun as a shower sprayer. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you use your boxers as a surrender flag. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your trasportaion is your boat. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . your favorite place is your deerstand. (from BLUEDAZE94016734)
. . . you think dingle berries are a fruit. (from CelticRebl)
. . . you strung Christmas lights on an old truck parked in your yard. (from Thomas
Smith)
. . . you give your best bud a carton of cigarrettes as a wedding gift. (from Shirley L
McDonald)
. . . the tailgate on your truck is also your lawn furniture. (from RednkJeff)
. . . your at a family reuniuon, your mother-in-law goes to the bathroom and then says,
"Y'all come look at this 'fore I flush it." (from Kim Y.)
. . . you had to call the police department to get your flare gun back. (from Wayne D.
Maxted)
. . . you use the CD-ROM drive on your computer to hold your beer. (from SSIS87)
. . . you've ever had sex in a sattelite dish. (from GTTEAMBMX)
. . . you own more than 5 trucks that you need ladders to get into. (from Angel)
. . . you have a piece of cardboard that says "No Trespassing" beside your front
door. (from HellraisernNC)
. . . your wife's idea of a sanitary napkin is one of your dirty work socks left beside
the toilet. (from JsscStev)
. . . you always start a story with "Y'all aint gonna believe this!" (from
RE3Freak)
. . . you think that "Winnie-the-Pooh" is something your Granny just left on the
rug. (from Muffy19234)
. . . you have three kids named: Peggy Sue, Peggy Jean, & Billy Bob. (from JGK)
. . . your truck has a variety or different make of parts (ex. Chevy radiator, Dodge
starter, Ford body). (from CrazyredriderX)
. . . you eat your daily road-kill out of the same dirty bowl every night. (from
Robinsaponaro)
. . . you bring home from school a certificate as "The Best Reader in the Fourth
Grade" for three years in a row.
. . . your pick-up has four new tires and none of them are the same size. (from Gaylene
Cooper)
. . . you go to the bank for a loan and the loan officer asks to see the stock you have
listed as collateral, so you bring in the three hogs you bought last month at the auction.
(from Gaylene Cooper)
. . . your life savings is buried in your back yard. (from TEDMARIEJ)
. . . you walk the ends off your jeans instead of hemming them. (from Loki, the friendly
maniac)
. . . you thought the Y2K Bug was a new species of insect. (from Mdebel22486)
. . . you thought the Sega Dreamcast was a new fishing rod. (from Mdebel22486)
. . . you buy your china as a grocery store special every week. (from MIRALLY)
. . . your neighbor uses left-over house paint to paint his car. (from JAY W.GUYER)
. . . you use mason jars to make lamps. (from JAY W.GUYER)
. . . your grandma gives you a wedding present wrapped in christmas paper. (from JAY
W.GUYER)
. . . you can see all your family members when you're in your own bed. (from JAY W.GUYER)
. . . your dad guts one of the old TV's for a another knick-knack shelf. (from JAY
W.GUYER)
. . . you think beef stroganoff is when the bull is playing with himself. (from EJASpfld)
. . . the other 13 trailers out back of yours belong to your children and their families.
(from Adrian Everett)
. . . all you want for Christmas is deer pee. (from Nick English)
. . . your 2-year old has more teeth than you do. (from Lane007Fan)
. . . your dog can smoke a cigarette. (from Lane007Fan)
. . . you think "Old Yeller" refers to your brother's tooth. (from Lane007Fan)
. . . you have a house that's mobile and 16 cars that aren't. (from Lane007Fan)
. . . you have more than 4 vehicles up on blocks in your yard. (from Lane007Fan)
. . . you buy a padded headboard to practice safe sex. (from Vern Dutta)
. . . you spray-painted your dog hunters orange to, "make him look more decent
like." (from Dave Simons)
. . . you've been on TV more than 5 times describing what the tornado sounded like. (from
Bak2525)
. . . your best laundry bag is made by Hefty. (from MARANN77)
. . . you're going up the highway and hear a kid ask his mom if he can get out and push
their car too! (from rifsm2)
. . . you've ever worn a tie with a flannel shirt. (from JOSHUA SNYDER)
. . . someone accuses you of lying through your tooth. (from Scott Bender)
. . . you were allowed to drink beer and date the teacher all through high school. (from
Tornaday)
. . . you painted your truck camouflage and now you can't find it. (from Tornaday)
. . . you've ever sold your car for gas money. (from Lee Wood)
. . . you've ever picked up your girlfriend in a John Deere. (from SC7886637)
. . . your wife wears tight leather and it makes her look like a re-tread. (from Gary
Watts)
. . . your brother is your wife's favorite son. (from Bryce)
. . . your lawn mower gets better millage than your car. (from CRnuts3)
. . . you run a garden hose from outside, through a window to fill your indoor hot tub.
(from John H. Richardson)
. . . your local funeral home has a drive-thru. (from Lamar Fuller)
. . . when you buy your new bride a burned down trailer and tell her you're gonna
"fix it up a little" (true story). (from Tommy Miller)
. . . you heard that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so you moved.
(from Anthony & Celeste)
. . . you refer to deer hunting as a religion. (from Anthony & Celeste)
. . . you wore camoflauge to your wedding. (from Anthony & Celeste)
. . . truck drivers tell your wife to watch her language. (from Beanoeightlegs)
. . . you wear a tube top to a wedding. (from Beanoeightlegs)
. . . you think good china is China without any Chinese people. (from airman120)
. . . you use your computer as a stereo. (from Stormshopper)
. . . someone can circumcise you by kicking your little sister in the jaw. (from Shane
Woods)
. . . the most common prase in your house is "someone go jiggle the handle."
(from Shane Woods)
. . . you purposely feed the cockroaches. (from Shane Woods)
. . . you shop lift from a yard sale. (from Dunkshoot2)
. . . your uncle's 14 year old kid is out in the front lawn and sayin "Ai Pane Ai
Pane." (from SailorLife2088)
. . . you itch your butt in front of your wife. (from TImboysfive)
. . . are missing a lot of teeth. (from TImboysfive)
. . . you have beer cans all over your yard. (from TImboysfive)
. . . you don't take a shower for a long time. (from TImboysfive)
. . . you use the word ain't a lot. (from TImboysfive)
. . . you miss your 5th grade graduation becasue your are called for jury duty. (from
REAGAN)
. . . your sister is also your aunt. (from Oldnavyret)
. . . your toilet is a 5 gallon bucket. (from Stormshopper)
. . . you have 500 men working under you and you cut grass at the cemetery. (from
JoeDebDem)
. . . you can spit tobbaco juice through the holes in your truck's floorboard. (from
Lemans82)
. . . your sister has ever asked to borrow the backhoe. (from ADAMSBOERGOATS)
. . . somebody says, "HO DOWN" and your wife falls to the ground!! (from Jay)
. . . you pave your parking spot just because your neighbor calls you a red neck. (from
Siress24)
. . . the first thing you do in the morning is check your critter trap, and you're
dissapointed when it is empty. (from Blondebomb0068)
. . . you scratch your butt at night and smell your hand in the morning. (from
REDNECKDONI)
. . . you've ever had to put on a pair of boots to go to the bathroom. (from
Ketchumtrainer)
. . . your deer stand has an address. (from Ketchumtrainer)
. . . you and your dog have the same toilet. (from Ketchumtrainer)
. . . there is anyone named Cletus in your family. (from Ketchumtrainer)
. . . you've ever attended a Gun and Knife show as a dealer. (from Ketchumtrainer)
. . . you have a motor swinging from a tree in your yard,a dog tied to the fence post,and
someone sitting in a rocking chair that's over 75 and has a Remingtom 12 gauge ,a spit
cup, and Copenhagen in the back pocket. (from Ketchumtrainer)
. . . you have a peeing contest with your wife and she wins. (from Whozyourdaddymac)
. . . you have a tattoo that says "I Love My Mommy" and mommy is spelled wrong.
(from Whozyourdaddymac)
. . . you shop-lift from Goodwill. (from Cody D.)
. . . your family gathers for Monday Night RAW. (from b_purple_waves_8)
. . . you know what a jockey lot is and you go more than once a week. (from TStorm)
. . . you've ever used a toaster to light your cigarette. (from BuckeyesRC)
. . . you're on a date and you see a childhood friend and you tell your date "she is
like my sister" and that makes her worried. (from DreaFos)
. . . you refuse to shave or bathe until you've bagged your first deer of the season.
(from Debnhar427)
. . . your first name consists of initials. (from Debnhar427)
. . . you nick-name children "possum" and "critter." (from
Debnhar427)
. . . you wear camouflage pants with a plaid flannel shirt and combat boots. (from
Debnhar427)
. . . you call your wife "ma" and want her to call you "pa." (from
Debnhar427)
. . . you own a badly made, ugly gun cabinet that you made in wood shop. (from
Debnhar427)
. . . the only songs you know on guitar are Lynard Skynard songs. (from Debnhar427)
. . . Hank Williams, Jr. is your hero. (from Debnhar427)
. . . you use the word "man" at least four times in each sentence you speak.
(from Debnhar427)
. . . you carry a gun to the store "just in case the car breaks down and a stranger
approaches to help." (from Debnhar427)
. . . you spray crawling bugs with hair spray and light them on fire with a lighter. (from
Debnhar427)
. . . directions to your house include "turn off the paved road" (from
Megamuff927)
. . . you exclaim "Whoo, Doggy , tell ya what!!" when you see your coon hound
have pups on your living room floor. (from PhoneGrrl21)
. . . you have ever used spit tobacco as a fish attractant. (from RGrycki)
. . . you call toilet paper a leaf and a toilet a bucket. (from Sephroth01)
. . . you have used a rag as a gas cap. (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . your 5 year old calls your mother MOM and YOU Debbie. (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . your own farts don't seem to smell so bad. (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . you know exactly how long it takes for pizza to get fuzzy in the fridge. (from
PLUMBINGuy)
. . . you have an aunt-mom and uncle dad. (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . you think that "HANK" of "Huntin with Hank" is a real fine actor
(BTW Hank is the dog). (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . you had your own parking space in Jr High. (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . you have a "church" cap. (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . you pull the legs off of flys then toss them into the air to see how long it takes
them to "crash land". (from PLUMBINGuy)
. . . your idea of the newspaper is a 14 year old copy of Dog Fancy. (from TheDude77691)
. . . your mom is your sister,aunt and your dads mother. (from Sephroth01@aol.com)
. . . your house has more miles on it than your car does. (from Ftkgold)
. . . your old toilet now serves as a flower pot in your front yard. (from Candida1022)
. . . you made your fishin pole outta popcicle sticks. (from TeresaandJoeS)
. . . you have to fill your toilet up with lake water to use the bathroom. (from
TeresaandJoeS)
. . . you ask whats for dinner and your wife props her legs on the table and says
"crabs". (from TeresaandJoeS)
. . . your computer don't work cuz the cat ate the mouse.
. . . you're having sex with your wife and she tells you, "That tickles." (from
O4josh)
. . . you think a lava lamp is erotic. (from O4josh)
. . . your bathroom is 50 feet away from your house. (from GoPed818)
. . . your husband is going out huntin and puts on urin and it turns you on. (from
Tab358)
. . . you think a date is going out mooning people. (from Tab358)
. . . you took your sister/brother to the prom. (from Tab358)
. . . you think dressing up is putting on all your camo. (from Tab358)
. . . you keep all your guns in a fire-proof locked safe and everything else out in the
open. (from Am9786)
. . . you have a bumper sticker that says, "Kiss the crack below my back." (from
Jordan452313)
. . . your idea of camping in the woods is inviting the family over and pitching a couple
of tents in the back yard. (from DARKRIS322)
. . . you have to watch for cow patties when you play golf. (from DARKRIS322)
. . . your lawn tractor has a better paint job than your car. (from Jcamaro83)
. . . your lawn mower is a goat. (from Ricky Barnaby)
. . . you can eat an ear of corn and spell "Home Sweet Home" on it. (from Ricky
Barnaby)
. . . you base the purchase of a refridgerator on how many cases of beer it holds. (from
MadameJaye)
. . . your children look more like your brothers-in-law than your husband you are worried
that he might notice. (from MadameJaye)
. . . you make your dogs sleep on top of the house in the rain because you can't afford to
patch the roof. (from MadameJaye)
. . . you go to a drive through the person at the window asks you to shut off your engine
because it's too loud. (from MadameJaye)
. . . you go to a drive through you have to open your door because your window hasn't
rolled down in 5 years. (from MadameJaye)
. . . you get turned on when your wife/girlfriend shoots an armidillo. (from Relena195)
. . . your daughter thinks she a reincarnation of Xena because she has nightmares about
her. (from Lil2te)
. . . you tell everyone your wife is the reincarnation of Ares, the god of war. (from
Lil2te)
. . . you buy your wife camouflage lingerie. (from BlueEyesc4me)
. . . you borrow a sleeveless T-shirt from your Mom. (from BlueEyesc4me)
. . . your living room furniture doubles as your camping gear. (from BlueEyesc4me)
. . . you have to steal your neighbor's paper to see what the date is or you are out of
toilet paper. (from BlueEyesc4me)
. . . you can grunt like a deer and you are proud of it. (from BlueEyesc4me)
. . . you tell your wife to squeal like a pig to start foreplay. (from BlueEyesc4me)
. . . when you think of the planet Saturn you think of your mother-in-law at the same
time. (from Marijane42085674)
. . . your way of seeing if you need to bathe is by sticking your hand between your butt
cheeks and smelling it. (from ReaperAngel15)
. . . you rake your carpet because the sweeper motor is being used for your truck. (from
ReaperAngel15)
. . . you have a working television on top of a broken one.
. . . the gazebo in your yard is bigger than your trailer. (from Spike)
. . . you have a pallet in your yard with tires stacked on it. (from Spike)
. . . your garage is so full you can't park your car in it. (from Spike)
. . . you spent more money on a souvenier Clint Black shirt, than on your whole wardrobe.
(from Spike)
. . . you have two pairs of jeans, and six pairs of boots. (from Spike)
. . . your front yard has any broken appliances in it. (from Spike)
. . . you have gotten a warning to remove vehicles from your own back yard. (from Spike)
. . . you ever say "oh yeah I can fix it". (from Spike)
. . . your favorite night of the week is the night before trash day. (from Spike)
. . . your truck has any bondo on it. (from Spike)
. . . your car has more than three bumper stickers with the word jesus on them. (from
Spike)
. . . there is bungee cord holding your bumper on to your car. (from Spike)
. . . no matter how you clean your hands, the dirt under your nails won't come off. (from
Spike)
. . . you think that duct tape works better than spot welding. (from Spike)
. . . you go to strip joints for family reunions. (from Spike)
. . . you re-use dental floss to save money. (from Spike)
. . . you can't work on Thursday night or you'll miss smack-down. (from Spike)
. . . you won't get your dog "fixed" because you never no when someone might
want him to stud. (from Spike)
. . . Friday night is "sneak into the drive-in night". (from Spike)
. . . you have an air-conditioner on your front porch. (from Spike)
. . . you slam your truck's door and your 12 gauge makes a new sun roof. (from
TakatchiGrado)
. . . you have stuffed heads from the following: deer, a moose, a mallard, a Siamese cat,
a largemouth bass, and your mother-in-law. (from TakatchiGrado)
. . . that white tailed deer is being paid 10 bucks an hour to stand on a ladder behind
your wall and stick his head in. (from TakatchiGrado)
. . . your dad pees on a rabbit's head while peeing off the back porch. (from
COORSGUZZLER)
. . . your dogs kill more animals than you do all hunting season. (from COORSGUZZLER)
. . . you and your son compete for the only single gal in town with all her teeth. (from
WVwishingstar15)
. . . you watch Jerry Springer to see if any of your relatives are on the show today.
(from WVwishingstar15)
. . . your table cloth is a bed sheet. (from Gordon24Knight)
. . . your whole wardrobe is work boots, camoflage pants, a plaid flannel shirt, and a
John Deere hat. (from Gordon24Knight)
. . . the landscaping in your front yard is broken down cars. (from Gordon24Knight)
. . . you drive your tractor along the high way. (from Gordon24Knight)
. . . your family reuinions consist of ex-wives. (from Gordon24Knight)
. . . you need a truck to move your barbecue. (from Yolanda)
. . . your toenails stick out the end of your tennis shoes. (from KrazeyRay)
. . . you let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
(from Larubia3207)
. . . you have 10 cars in your front yard and only once of them isn't on blocks and the
engine works. (from Larubia3207)
. . . you take a six-pack cooler to church. (from Larubia3207)
. . . you bum a pinch of chew from your girlfriend. (from Larubia3207)
. . . you have a sign hanging in your living room that says "We interrupt this
marriage to bring you deer season" (from Larubia3207)
. . . you look both ways before crossing a one way street. (from Flyers3102)
. . . you drive through your car port to park your blue Pinto in the backyard. (from
Flyers3102)
. . . your birthday cake consisted of nothing but Twinkies. (from Joker0159)
. . . you shave your beard and find a french fry. (from GeneralLee01311)
. . . you have ever asked your dad for the keys to his Mack. (from Dbdtruckin)
. . . you can entertain yourself for more then an hour with a fly swatter. (from
Zeakdude)
. . . your truck is stolen and sold by your mother to buy beer and Copenhagen. (from Kirk
and Julie Snyder)
. . . your CB antenna on your truck doubles as your cane pole. (from Brandonharrell)
. . . you tip the waiter with change. (from Chew45665779182)
. . . your honeymoon was featured on true stories of the highway patrol. (from
SteelCowboy47)
. . . you think 401k is your mother-in-law's bra size. (from SteelCowboy47)
. . . instead of buying your girlfriend candy and flowers, you spray paint her name on an
overpass. (from SteelCowboy47)
. . . you think 2 Pac Shakur is a Jewish holiday. (from BeauRulz97)
. . . your local yellow pages has only 3 sections: places to get cigarettes, place to get
liquor, and places to get bait. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)
. . . the library in your city ran out of the book "The ABC's of Belching".
(from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)
. . . the seats in your car are also your living room furniture. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)
. . . you had to buy an 18-Wheeler for family vacations. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7)
. . . you have a Rebel flag in your front yard! (from junior5241)
. . . you have your t.v on top of empty beer cans and call it recycling. (from
SailorSpringStar)
. . . your dishwasher consists of kids that you baby-sit. (from SailorSpringStar)
. . . you think that the apple com-pu-ter is the latest in new fangled tech-o-nol-o-gee.
(from SailorSpringStar)
. . . the newspaper (the business) is the community toilet paper. (from SailorSpringStar)
. . . the town policeman stops by so much, you know his 5th grade GPA. (from
SailorSpringStar)
. . . your airplane cost you less than 15 hundred bucks and uses two stroke oil. (from
Lawrence Benton)
. . . you say "I tell you wut!" more than 3 times a day. (from Kelly)
. . . your daddy's last words were "Hey ya'll look what I can do!" (from Kelly)
. . . your lawn furniture was in your house last summer. (from Kelly)
. . . your car uses more oil than gas. (from Shelly1179)
. . . you have ever used a turkey baster bulb to get something out of your ear. (from Kim
Scurti)
. . . your dog wants you to be the girl tonght. (from TDOGG333)
. . . you use the car that is broken down in the driveway as a tool shed. (from
Scrpah5454)
. . . fine dining is the Waffle House. (from Ferrari92687)
. . . you've ever been in a fist fight with your best friend because he said his John
Deere will out pull your Farmall. (from Browning1225)
. . . your dog has a litter of puppies on your living room floor and no one notices. (from
Eboom386)
. . . you fall in love with a girl and write "I Love You" using duck tape. (from
BillyBobBaitShop)
. . . you think "harass" are two words. (from SwingMs)
. . . your race car looks and runs better than your own car. (from Beisballer9)
. . . you get drunk while mowing the grass. (from Donnie)
. . . you have a beer cooler on your riding lawn mower. (from Donnie)
. . . you have ever opened a beer bottle with your truck door. (from Donnie)
. . . hot dogs and pork-n-beans are your favorite Sunday night dinner. (from DeposRus)
. . . your hair is five times as long in the back as it is on top. (from DeposRus)
. . . you put mud grips on your new Cadillac. (from Patsyweeksj)
. . . your Mama yells, "Close the screen door boy, you're letting all the bugs
out!" (from RSki460957)
. . . you have no idea who the President is but you can name five NASCAR drivers in a
single belch. (from Roni1010)
. . . you actually know what "puked a motor" means. (from Roni1010)
. . . you've ever been in a fist fight involving the phrase "Dale Earnhardt is the
Intimidator". (from Roni1010)
. . . you think 7-11 is a grocery store. (from Shaun McElhinney)
. . . your kids fall down in the house and get grass stains. (from Shaun McElhinney)
. . . you have to slide out of the passenger side of your truck because the driver's side
door is jammed. (from Shaun McElhinney)
. . . if the dashboard of your work vehicle is covered with empty cigarette cartons and
Mountain Dew bottles (from Shaun McElhinney)
. . . your Daddy picks you up from school in a Swamp Buggy. (from QSLUQRU)
. . . you refer to Walmart as going to the mall. (from Shaun McElhinney)
. . . your sister/brother is also your cousin. (from Txdixiechick01)
. . . your wife wears a dress on Sunday and one of you're flannel shirts over it. (from
Rebelwolff1)
. . . you go into an auto parts store and tell them you need a part for your Chevy and
when they ask you make and model you answer, "They're all the same." (from
THREEDDONZI)
. . . you go coon hunting with a spot light instead of a dog. (from THREEDDONZI)
. . . you hunt deer from a moving vehicle. (from THREEDDONZI)
. . . your wife's deer head hanging on the wall is bigger than yours. (from THREEDDONZI)
. . . you take your wife fishing and she out fishes you and all your buddies. (from
THREEDDONZI)
. . . your wife can out drink you or any of your friends and is willing to prove it. (from
THREEDDONZI)
. . . your wife can belch louder than you can. (from THREEDDONZI)
. . . you consider yourself the blacksheep of the family because you are the only one not
living in a trailer house. (from THREEDDONZI)
. . . your mama spends more money fixing up her old trailer house than it cost to build a
new brick home. (from THREEDDONZI)
. . . your mama has more gadgets and accessories on her pickup truck than you do. (from
THREEDDONZI)
. . . you got more antenas on your truck than the local TV station. (from
Honeybee24595981)
. . . you call a chicken a yard bird. (from Oamanecer0)
. . . you get a ticket cause you got a confederate flag as a front license plate. (from
Daisy May)
. . . the police are lookin for you in a brown truck so you wiped off the mud a bit so
they wouldn't recognize you. (from Daisy May)
. . . your wardrobe consists of nothing but cammo and flannel. (from REDNECKTNKER)
. . . you see your grandmother naked and it turns you on. (from Honeybee24595981)
. . . you have a transmission in your bathtub. (from Honeybee24595981)
. . . you're homeschooled and you date someone in your class. (from JOYFULJENNY)
. . . your Mama was ever asked to leave a Bingo game because of her language. (from
FOGHATIRONHEAD)
. . . you've ever put a tarp in the bed of your truck to use it as a swimming pool. (from
Donna R.)
. . . you finally mow your front lawn and you find the pickup truck that you thought was
stolen. (from annonymous)
. . . you know exactly how many cans of spray paint it takes to paint a 1976 full size
Chevy truck. (from ChickenFryes)
. . . the bigest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. (from Aannetta)
. . . you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say cool whip on the side. (from
Aannetta)
. . . you think a tv dinner consists of a RC Cola and a moonpie. (from Honeybee24595981)
. . . you join the army for the free uniform. (from Brad)
. . . you wash your truck in a mud puddle. (from Countryboyz4x4)
. . . you spend more time with you truck than your family. (from Countryboyz4x4)
. . . your kids eat on the floor while your dogs eat at the table. (from Countryboyz4x4)
. . . your 80 year old grandma can shoot better than you. (from Countryboyz4x4)
. . . you have ever peed in the sink cuz your mom was hogging up the outhouse. (from
Tweetheart86chic)
. . . your beer can pyramid is taller than your trailer. (from Celotheswhite)
. . . you have to mow the hoods of your cars. (from Celotheswhite)
. . . you put a sign up that says "Billy Bob & Sally wedding --->" on a carboard
sign in spray paint nailed to a tree. (from Celotheswhite)
. . . you have ever surrendered to the police in exchange for ciggaretes. (from
Danspumpkins)
. . . you think "manual labor" is a Spanish ambassadar. (from Danspumpkins)
. . . you have ever had to gift-wrap a tire. (from Danspumpkins)
. . . your dog's collar costs more than the clothes you are wearing. (from Danspumpkins)
. . . your kid learns to shoot a gun before he learns his alphabet. (from Myerslaue)
. . . you divorced your 1st. cousin, married your 2nd. cousin and are cheating with your
3rd. cousin. (from Armando T.)
. . . you found a toy boat in your toilet when you were taking a bath and started playing
with it. (from Tweetheart86chic)
. . . you dust furniture with underwear. (from Pinehillfarmky)
. . . you sat on your roof with a loaded gun waiting for twelve midnight to roll around on
Y2K. (from NBC Tutolo)
. . . your whole yard has chickens and cows in it. (from Girlsloveme67863)
. . . you not only pass the beans at the supper table but your teeth so Billy Bob can chew
them also. (from Keith S. Penna)
. . . you give Tic-Tacs out at Christmas instead of candy canes. (from I185dude1)
. . . you have the same meal for a week straight. (from S23Goodrich)
. . . you've got a tab at the ABC Liquor Store. (from S23Goodrich)
. . . your father marries someone with the same last name as yours. (from S23Goodrich)
. . . you've ever driven a tractor to a family reunion. (from S23Goodrich)
. . . you buy something you already have. (from Jgtex86)
. . . you're trying to start a 16 hp motor and your shed catches on fire. (from
REGGIE101372)
. . . you think garabage pickin' is a hobbie. (from REGGIE101372)
. . . your grandmother has to be taken out of bingo because of her language. (from
Gwing12345)
. . . your wedding cake was made by Sara Lee. (from Koston03)
. . . the figures on your wedding cake wore overalls. (from Koston03)
. . . you have to change gears in your pickup by opening the hood and moving the gear arm,
then jump back in before the truck drives off without you. (from Patrick A. Hall)
. . . your screen name is JohnDeere. (from Johndeere77)
. . . you think the unibomber was a wrestler. (from MMichaelOne)
. . . you think the quarterhorse is the ride outside of Wal-Mart. (from MMichaelOne)
. . . you've ever gotten a "lap" dance from your sister! (from GBandS4ever)
. . . the fairground's main attraction is to see who can throw cow pie the farthest! (from
CallmeWinsie)
. . . you take your dog on more vacations than your wife! (from CallmeWinsie)
. . . the bouqet at your wedding was stolen from a cemetary. (from Adria116)
. . . your only time spent sober is the time spent getting another 6 pack. (from
Bordem420)
-----------------------------------------------Doug Supernaw I don’t call him daddy
It was six in the morning when I made the county line;
There's someone I've got to talk to, can't get it off my mind.
He is just a kid, and he's in a pretty rough spot;
Two dimes to make a phone call, that's about all I got.
How's my boy today? I know it's been three weeks;
But you know how far I've got to go these days to make ends meet.
How's your mama now, with her new live-in friend?
Oh, how I hate the wounds that never seem to mend.
You said, "I don't call him daddy, but he takes care of things.
When you pick me up on Friday, are you gonna bring me anything?
Oh, don't worry Dad, you know, it don't matter what we do;
Cause I don't call him daddy, he can never be like you."
God bless the little hearts, there the ones who really pay
When Mom and Dad can't get along and they go their separate ways.
In a way I'm glad there's someone there to fill the empty space;
Tears of understanding stream down a dirty face.
You said, "I don't call him daddy, but he takes care of things.
When you pick me up on Friday, are you gonna bring me anything?
Oh, don't worry Dad, you know, it don't matter what we do;
Cause I don't call him daddy, he can never be like you,
Be like you,
Be like you.
He is quite a little man growin' up as fast as he can;
And I don't get to see him half as much as I had planned.
There's so much I need to tell him, so precious little time;
A little rain on the window, and a little wave... goodbye
You said, "I don't call him daddy, but he takes care of things.
When you pick me up on Friday, are you gonna bring me anything?
Oh, don't worry Dad, you know, it don't matter what we do;
Cause I don't call him daddy, he can never be like you.
He said, "I don't call him daddy, but he takes care of things.
When you pick me up on Friday, are you gonna bring me anything?
Oh, don't worry Dad, you know, it don't matter what we do;
Cause I don't call him daddy, he can never be like you. |
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