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hey, this is me and you are you. obviously you know me, so you know ive been to way too
many parties and havent used this thing until recently, so i cant list’em all. maybe ill
start soon... blah! BUTTERFLY!!!!!... mrrrmmm

weed is a drug that grows in the ground,
if god didnt smoke it, it wouldnt be around.
so for all you little angels who dont wanna get high,
shut the f*ck up and give it a try!

Subject: notable people on the consumption of alcohol

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the
glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I
didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your
clothes.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as
good as they're going to feel all day. "~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter,
faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

I think not."~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep,
we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to
heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I
grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as
well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry \]

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again
that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with
members of the opposite s e x without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at
Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the
slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the
back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because
the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of
the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But
naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are
not.