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Buenos dias. Mi nombre es Kizzy B. And for all you who don't speak Spanish...that
means, "Good Day. My name is Kyle." I'd just like to start by telling you a
little about myself...it all started on a cool breezy day in 1987. Location: Anchorage,
Alaska. A screaming ball of cute and fury came plummetting to the earth. From there, I
lived till I was four and then we moved to Washington state. I lived there for a little
over a year, then onto Arizona!!! Yes! The place of beautiful women, sand, and sunshine.
I was sporting blonde hair and a diaper. Well, maybe not a diaper...

And then onto Arkansas where I've lived ever since. Sometimes I get tired of my
hometown, and that's why I take time out of my day to think of ten furry kittens building
a house. Some might call me crazy, but I'm just CLASSY! That's right!
I'm your daddy. Well, I'm almost out of school now after surviving 13 years of
Fountain Lake High! And now I have a doctorate in Algebraic Studies. Just ask Mrs.
Rountree.

I'm a man of many faces and a well-seasoned steak. Some people call me
Kizzy, some people call me Ky...but at the end of the day...I'M JUST PLAIN OL' FUN!
That's right, I don't pretend to be something I'm not (Richard Bomer). And furthermore,
I am not Richard Bomer and I'd like to congratulate him on his newly awarded title of
"Fountain Lake's Most Likely to be Remembered." I gotta hand it to you, no one
licks girls' faces or violates their privacy quite like you! You lucky dog! There's
always next year...

Let me change gears for a second. I haven't always been a raging ball of humor.
In fact, I used to be quite dull. But for the low price of $999 I can help you become the
man/woman you would like to be. Just follow my easy 537 steps to SUCCESS! My number is
555-FUNN. The extra "N" is for the extra "NUZZLE" you will receive
from the opposite sex once you've become who you want to be.

And now, I bid you "adieu!" For I have got to simmer and flip. And if
that doesn't make any sense, screw you, San Diego! Stay classy! Kizzy B.