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AHHH it's been so long since I've changed this thingie. Well lets see I graduated in May,
went to jail in June, rehab in July, was clean for Augist, smoked in September, did coke
by October, pissed dirty for my PO in November, was homless by december, went back to
rehab in January, and have since stayed clean and am rebuiling my life.

I was addicted to alot of thing in high school one of them being speed. I was usuing daily
staying up for days at a time. And had to be stoned every day in order to make it through
the day. I fell off the wagon and fell hard, I have since them addmitted I am an addict
and try to live one day at a time. The craving come and go but i know what i iwll do if i
get high in any way shape or form.

My name is Sabastion and I am a speed freak, a dope fiend, and a dope whore. I was adopted
at birth and do not know my parents, was outted by my parents who adopted me when i was 16
or so and fell in love for the first time by 17. I've had my heart broken many times and
still look for love where I shouldn't. I think I love the idea of being in love more than
love itself. It's really hard to tell though.

I used to say I was jsut an average guy who lived a normal life but I know thats far from
the truth nowadays. Today I have a new man who cares for me and stays by my side, helping
me with my cravings and fears of relapses. I graduated in May and moved to Austin after
Jail in Johnson City and have found steady housing and work. I had some tattoos done and
re-did all my piercings(you cant have them in jail). And am trying to get back on my feet
again. Do you know how many times I have had to restart my life over and over. Maybe this
time it will take root....

I still like to party I just dont do dope when I party...and if you are thinking "Why
dont you just control it?" Well let me tell you how I controlled it....I just never
stopped. I never slept or ate, I had to get high to go to work to get money to get high to
go to woro to make money to get high....see my point. I used to live and lived to use. It
was never ending, but the bad thing was I never saw it as wrong. I sepereated my friends
from my drugs-they didn't use like I did. And I lived in a world of tweakers dealers and
liers. Ive had my heart stop once b4 when I was 18 from smoking crack and have lost 30
pounds to weigh 109. Now I'm 5'9 and weigh 145 my hair is back to its normal color and my
skin no longer has toxins leaking from it. My health is back and my family will talk to me
again. My friends who I used with no longer bother me and I don't want to use dope
anymore. I still get mind fucked occasionally but a friend told me one time

"The emotional pain that is so strong we think we won't make it though it. The pain
is so bad we can't hold on only last 4-9 minutes. After that something else will come
along. So if we can make it through those 4-9 minutes we will be okay."

So my whole using drug carreer is about me trying to aviod those 4-9 minutes in my life.
Sad isnt it

Today I have goals and dreams again. They are coming slowly but for now that is okay. I'm
tired of living in the fast lane for so long.

So take your time and enjoy what you find pleasureable in life, take each breathe with
care and tell your loved ones you love them....peace!