"Let a man be of good cheer about his soul, who having cast away the pleasure and
ornaments of the body as alien to him and working harm rather than good, has sought after
the pleasure of knowledge; and has arrayed the soul not in some foreign attire, but in her
own proper jewels: temperance, and justice, and courage, and nobility, and
truth"
-Socrates (as recounted by Plato in the Phaedo)
Dare I make an attempt at a profile whilst in the midst of delusion brought upon by
deprivation of sleep? Shall I try to rise above the cognitive clouds preventing the
proverbial lightbulb from basking me in its warm emanation of mental clarity? Why not?
Within the depths of ones psyche during a brief moment of insanity one may find
unparalleled insight into the true nature of the self.
Who am I? An ever elusive question I often ask. A question that, once I feel as if I’ve
discovered the answer, I find that that I’ve changed once again. I am an ever evolving
system of variables in perfect harmony with the fluid abstract known as time. I am a
complex network of neurons, neurotransmiters, synapses, and synchronized electrical
impulses resulting in consciousness; whatever that may be. I am experience -- both good
and bad -- combined with an imperfect perception of reality further blinded by the
inevitable bias of opinion, though I always try to be fair. I am a perpetual balancing act
of logic and emotion; altruistic intention and self-preservation; responsibility and
free-spirit; life and yes, even death.
I am love, though occasionally hate; truth, though I’ve worn the guise of deception;
right, though I’ve made mistakes; moral, though I’ve succumbed to temptation; perfect,
though inevitabaly flawed; optimistic, though sometimes the world gets me down.
I am a humanist, rationalist, individualist, materialist, pragmatist, socialist,
evolutionist, reductionist, perfectionist, ...ist, ...ist, ...ist -- and unavoidably a
hypocrite.
I have existed for twenty one years yet I’m just starting to live.
I am a human being, a homosapien, and an inhabitant of the planet earth; yet, I fancy
that, somehow, I’ve transcended into something more.
I think, therefore I am.
Or am I?
---
A brief examination toward the sanctity of all life
About half a year ago, while re-evaluating the reasoning behind some of my beliefs and
ideology (as I often try to do lest I find myself behaving in a manner that doesn’t
coincide with my perception of who I am), I came across an interesting and unexpected
snag: namely, why I’m a vegetarian.
Initially, through what was possibly childlike ignorance, my reasons were simple--I was
vegetarian due to my empathetic nature; that of which encompassed all animal life (one
doesn’t tend to think all that much about plants at that age). As I aged and my knowledge
of the world grew, my reasoning gained more of a foundation by incorporating the nervous
system--most animals can ’feel’ pain. This reasoning, for the better part of my remaining
years as a vegetarian, combined with my empathetic nature (which is just who I am, though
it’s a fun introspective battle to try to figure out exactly why... I blame the structure
of my brain.
) held the belief in place with little question.
Enter deterministic conceptualism, moderate knowledge of neurobiology, and a quest to
define ’self’ in hopes of being something more than a cause and effect system of
alternating variables within a system of alternating variables -- which, thus far (save
for in ’feeling’), I have had little success in accomplishing (even if supposed
indeterministic quantum mechanics influences our decisions, is it better to simply be
random variables?) -- and reasoning starts to get a little more difficult.
I’m suffering from what I like to call an ’Alpha X’ conundrum; where Alpha is the first
state of any given abstract concept, X. For example, in evolution, which was the first
instance where a species evolved into what we would use the abstract label ’mammal’ rather
than which ever label would have been used before hand. As you slowly travel back,
deviating little by little from our common accepted characteristics of a mammal... when
can we no longer call it such?
To incorporate this back to the topic at hand: I, as a conscious being (regardless of what
that may be or mean), ideally do not ’want’ to feel pain nor endure the suffering this
often entails. As I look at other, adult humans, systems with a near identical physiology
(with focus being on neurological similarity), it would be a rational assumption that they
are likely conscious as well; and, as such, ’desire’ to be free of harm--which also seems
to be implicated by their avoidance of such (though this can be seen in most living
systems). As we deviate from our own species along the order ’primates’; while we see
major differences in technological progress and complexity; neurologically, though some
systems are smaller (and thus, less complex), our brains are almost identical (one part
that seems to be missing, however, is that which supposedly grants us the ability to
create and use complex, abstract language. This, while undoubtedly a major factor in our
advancement due to the continual progression of knowledge across generations it allows,
might also be necessary to form concepts such as ’me’ and ’mine’; giving rise to
self-consciousness). In fact, one of the few major differences between our brain and that
of most mammals (and even most Vertebrata) is within the prefrontal cortex; with
non-primate mammals having a rudimentary version (it lacks a major portion called the
’lateral prefrontal cortex’) and non-mammals having none at all.
This becomes important to the topic of consciousness when we look at one of the major
functions of the prefrontal cortex: working memory (also known as ’short-term memory’).
This allows the ’here and now’ of your thoughts -- your intellectual juggeling act, so to
speak. This allows you to process and temporarily retain information from multiple sources
so that you can compare, contrast, evaluate and manipulate. This is arguably the seat of
your consciousness -- that which is the here and now; that which allows the ’you’, greatly
increasing the complexity of the system.
So, after all that, where does this leave us? Unfortunately for me, this just results in
several more potential reasoning through which to base compassion towards life. Do I
consider all living things deserving of equal compassion depriving myself of a food
source; and subsequently, my own life? Do I form my basis on the ability to react to
inflicted damage? On the ability to suffer (which may require consciousness)? On potential
consciousness? On complexity? On similarity? Do I dare entertain the Solipsist dream that
only I and my resulting consciousness can be known and treat everything else as
inconsequential? Or do I take the final plunge: letting my logically derived deterministic
conclusions incorporate fully into my beliefs resulting in an alteration of the internal
variables acting upon this system leading to the ’perception’ that the self is
inconsequential as well?
Considering my own incessant drive toward self-preservation, the death of the self isn't
an option; nor complete acceptance of determinism. Solipsism, while a fun pipe dream,
isn't something I can really take seriously. And, given the complexity and similarity of
our closest evolutionary cousins, I can't justifiably say "fuck everything but
humans" and call it a day. This really leaves me two options: consider anything
complex enough to react to negative stimuli as sacred, as I previously held (though
excluded plants); or, consider anything with a nervous system complex enough to
potentially
experience negative stimuli as sacred. The incorporation of plants,
combined with a need to reconcile lingering deterministic thought with a desire to be
something ‘more’, and the inescapable hypocrisy which comes with the prior (my very
continued existence inevitably compromises the life of other organisms) can see it few
other ways. The latter is the only path which I can follow with clear conscience, and
reduced cognitive dissonance—at least through my current perceptual framework.
It’s a fragile ledge to be standing upon, though luckily only between the two
aforementioned states. Whether future insight will see the decision change is uncertain
at best; but it is enough to quiet the cries of my cognitive demons—at least for now.
- 
